Be the Chair You Wish to See in the World

It is a blessing and a gift to carry around an ass, a set of cushions that are nice to sit on, in a pinch. An ass has a physiological function, sure; but also, it’s a pretty decent chair. It’s a perfectly fine design and I never felt the need to improve upon it until I came across an exciting and unexpected level-up: the Wearable Chair.

The Wearable Chair is a device that takes your normal ass and makes it even more sittable. It’s go-go-gadget chair legs for your hiney, a pair of bendable, aluminum skewers that look like they sprung from your cheeks. It’s an absurd item, yet I feel that it is deeply necessary and—dare I say?—brave. It’s a creation that looks at a world where standing is equivalent to virtue, and asks, But why? Xavier’s wheelchair

Doctor Xavier’s wheelchair

The Chair has a few flaws. A friend pointed out that this is basically the same as creating a wall-sit situation for yourself, just minus the wall. My editor noticed that wearing this chair makes it impossible to sit in any Real chair (which does beg the question: what do we mean when we say “real” chair?). Also, it’s kind of just half a chair, because your human legs are part of the design concept.

Still, I am left with no choice but to admire this piece of machinery. It’s a challenge to be a sit-down guy in a stand-up world. The Wearable Chair welcomes, nay, encourages this. Wearable chair walks so that you can sit.

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